I'm BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

I have been missing since this summer and my only excuse is that every time I would come to my blog and see my last entry on Hil.......I just couldn't write anything else. My heart just ached every time I saw it, my eyes filled with tears and I felt so much anger toward this awful beast. Then the other day, I came across a picture of us the first time we ever met face to face. The first picture Hilary ever let anyone take of her without her wig. And I smiled. I remembered how much I loved her and it brought a tear to my eye but the anger wasn't as strong as before. Then I knew I was healing. Slowly though the road was going, I was healing.

So, I am back....I can't promise how much I will get to post but I am back and I missed this.

I had a wonderful Christmas celebrating the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. Watching my son learn the real meaning of Christmas, singing happy birthday to Jesus and of course enjoying his presents. I celebrated my 10 year wedding anniversary on New Year's Eve at the restaurant we had our wedding reception at. It was beautiful. We had a great meal with great friends and even had a chance to see the pianist from our reception play that night. We rang in the New Year with style and a bit too much champagne which took me a few days to get over ;^) not as young as I once was it seems...

Now, I am just getting ready to really start the new year. I have made my resolutions (ones I am sure will be easy to break unfortunately) but I am determined to aim high. So, here I sit ready to put my life down "on paper" again. Where to start is the problem:-)

Our surrogacy journey has come to a standstill unfortunately. We are getting ready to try to meet with my friend and her husband to see where we go from here. She has made a couple comments about how it has been hard going through all the hormone changes, hard on her marriage too. I would NEVER forgive myself if it affected her marriage!! So, we need to make some decisions soon. My heart is telling me to give it until the end of February, 2 more cycles maybe.... but we will see.

God has also put adoption heavy on my heart again even though it has never been too far from my mind through this whole process. I feel that we need to start pursuing that area even while we are finishing the surrogacy journey we are on. I would like to be prepared for whatever road God sees fit to direct us down. Not really sure where to start with that one but I am sure a few phone calls will help direct me.

My wonderful husband has given me the go ahead, as an anniversary present, to order bedroom furniture for our master bedroom!!! Wahoooo....I am so ready to have a real bed again ;^)

And, that brings me to today.... the first day of the rest of my life, right? Well, here we go..................